In my Sunday scripture study with my husband, we were studying in the Bible (New Testament) John chapters 7 through 10. In John chapter 10, you learn about Jesus the Good Shepherd and his care for us as his "sheep." I want to point out in verse 4, we learn of Jesus:
"And when he putteth forth his own sheep, he goeth before them, and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice," - John 10: 4
Now let's turn to the Book of Mormon. In the first book of Nephi, chapter 21 verse 16, it reads:
"Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me." - 1 Nephi 21:16
One thing I really love about personal scripture study is that you can take the verses for what they are and apply them to your life for what they mean to you when you read them. I always read with a fresh, new book of scripture so that I can learn something new instead of always referring back to notes I've taken before on the verses.
One thing I remember discussing in a therapy session was how I view my mental health and my life. I told my therapist that, to me, my depression and my anxiety and self-esteem is this huge brick wall built in front of me. There's no way around it or over it or under it. But in this brick wall is a window. It's a square window that is sealed with no way to open it. I can see through it. I see the life I'm meant to live, the things I desire most and I see happiness through this window.
I've always felt like I have no idea how to get on the other side of this wall. I've tried for years through medication, therapy, inpatient mental health care, exercise, blogging, journaling, working, reading, pampering myself..... and I've never gotten through this brick wall OR the window. But it's all there and it taunts me. It's lonely and makes me feel very weak.
As I've read these two scripture verses above, I've realized that Christ is on MY SIDE of the brick wall. He is looking through the window with me. Just as he says in 1 Nephi 21:16, my wall is before him. He stands at the brick wall WITH me. As we are told in John 10:4, he goes before me. He leads me along the path I'm meant to be on. He went first so that he could understand my journey of going next. Does that make sense?
I don't know if you could call this a light bulb moment or somehow I'm finally realizing this but for the longest time I have felt SO ALONE on my side of the brick wall that I never ever imagined Christ would also be on my side of the brick wall. I don't know when he and I will figure out a way to get on the other side but for now, I'm not alone in looking through the window. I'm not alone in trying every single day to get on the other side of this wall.
It gives me the strength to know that I have his help and his loving guidance in my life. I'm not alone and reading the scriptures help me see that. I'm so grateful that I chose to read the scriptures so that I could learn this and carry it with me each day.
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