You Are Wanted

 It was 2013.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland gave a talk on MDD.

I had prayed for those words for 3 very long years.

And then one conference they finally came.

Today Elder Holland, again, reiterated what he said almost 10 years ago.

You are wanted.

You are needed.

You are loved.

Suicide is not the answer.

The despair you feel…. God sees it.

God sees you.

And you are wanted.

You are wanted here on Earth.

You are wanted at church.

You are wanted at home…

at school, at work, at the temple, at Christmas, at that baptism, at that birthday party, at that bunco night.

You are wanted here.

God wants you here, as much as He wants you back home in Heaven.

He wants you here. Because maybe…

Maybe you can help someone else feel the love and wanting He so desperately needs them to feel.

Please stay.

We Are Numbered

I’m behind again. On my CFM studies. 

 Life has been so busy these last two weeks. 

 I started school. My daughter started daycare. 

 I thought maybe the feelings of loneliness would go away if I was busy. 

 But they haven’t.. 

I wonder every day when this unwanted friend will leave me. 

 Does lonely get lonely? 

 In the first lesson with @dontmissthisstudy, they go over Moses 1:35 

 “…all things are numbered into me, for they are mine and I know them.” 

 We are numbered. 

 We are His. 

 He knows us. 

 So why isn’t that enough? Why doesn’t that just make me not lonely anymore? 

 Well, I think my physical body needs to catch up to what my spiritual body knows and that’s okay. 

 It’s okay to take time to discover and learn the love God has for you. 

 It doesn’t have to be immediate. 

 But you are numbered. 

 You belong to someone. 

 And they know you.

Preparing for General Conference

Does anyone remember President Russell M. Nelson's call to prepare for April 2020 General Conference?

You may wish to begin your preparation by reading afresh Joseph Smith’s account of the First Vision as recorded in the Pearl of Great Price.

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A post shared by @marycox.art on Jan 12, 2020 at 9:30pm PST

This image was entered into the Work + Wonder Co's workbook submission for April 2020. It's probably one of my very favorites I've seen. I have been giving it a lot of thought, what President Nelson said.

I have read the First Vision in the Pearl of Great price what feels like a million times. I have marked up my scriptures with so much insight I'm not sure I could mark anymore! But that's not the point. I'm not going to lie. I definitely slacked when it came to studying the Restoration and here we are, only 2 weeks until General Conference.

One thing I have done is watch the YouTube videos that Dave Butler did on the Restoration. They are so amazing and have been a light in my life these past couple of weeks. I absolutely loved Seminary and Institute and it felt like I was in a class again watching his videos. I also love the podcast he does with Emily Belle Freeman. This video, in particular, is my favorite for many reasons but one of them is that there are actual books that were owned by church leaders in the glass case he's standing by. In fact, he even gets to hold one with his bare hands.

I have dreamed many times of holding actual church artifacts with my own hands. I know many people who have had the opportunity, Elder Holland being one of them. But as I experience those feelings and the excitement I would expect to feel while holding those items, I am reminded of my love for the Book of Mormon. I am reminded of my love for Joseph Smith and the sacrifices he made so that I can hold this book of scripture in my hands today, by my own free will.

I am so excited about this upcoming General Conference and I have absolutely no idea what it will be like but I can say this... preparing for it (or the lack of preparation) has brought back so much strength to my testimony of Joseph Smith and the Restoration. It has brought back a motivation and inspiration to study my scriptures more and to dedicate time to the word of God. I hope you have found the same in your preparation (or the lack thereof).

He Is Showing Up For Me

Before motherhood, I felt like a huge piece of myself was missing. Now that I’m a mother, I feel it’s absence even more. I pushed it away a few years ago because I wanted to be accepted by those around me. I wanted to be loved and wanted regardless. I pushed it away and I buried it because being accepted felt more important than possibly standing alone. It has been so hard to find a balance of keeping that part of myself alive while also being accepted by my friends and family and society to be honest... The part of me that has been missing is my faith. My religion. My beliefs. Being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is becoming a difficult thing to be. We are hated and looked down upon. It’s a heavy burden to bear in today’s world. I have many friends and family who have left the church or who aren’t members. I still wanted them to love me. I still wanted them to want me in their life. I didn’t want our beliefs to separate us. So what did I do? I put my faith on the shelf and walked away. Nobody asked me to. I felt like I had to in order to keep these relationships.

I’ve been staring at my faith sitting on this shelf and feeling this need to get it down. I am missing this part of my soul. I’m missing this part of who I am. Why can’t I be loved by everyone too? Why can’t they accept this part of me too? I need this to survive. I need this to live and to be happy. I need God. I need to show up for myself but I’m struggling. Then I came across Courtney Casper and my life changed. She showed up for me in my life the way I need to show up for myself. She became the inspiration I needed to dust my faith off and find God again. I have been reading her book, “Choose Yes,” and it has been unbelievably good. It has been everything my heart needs and everything my faith needs. It has been everything I want for myself.

I worry every day which friendships I’ll lose for being a member of this church or which family member won’t feel connected to me because all I care about is my faith? I care what people think... and maybe too much. Courtney has helped me so much in finding my faith again. She has helped me restore that missing piece that I’ve been dying to find. I don’t even know her personally... I’ve never met her. But her example has been an answer to my prayers.

I just wanted to share this because it’s been on my heart for some time now and as a new mom, I’m getting tired of putting society before myself. I think daily about what I want to teach my daughter. I know that I’ll be loved even if it’s only by God. I want to work harder to be better about my faith. I don’t want to abandon it again. Don’t give up friends. Find what sets your soul on fire and don’t let it go.

God Is In the Details

If you remember my blog post about SALT Gathering then you'll remember how I mentioned the wonderful Kim White who was our concluding speaker.

Kim White recently passed away and she (and her family) has been on my mind every single day. I lost my dad to cancer almost 4 years ago and the feelings have been weighing on my heart as I think about the pain her family is currently going through. I know the feeling all too well and it's no good.

Kim was a light to all who knew her and were touched by her story. I had the privilege of hearing her speak at SALT and tell her story of battling cancer every single day. It was the most incredible thing I've ever listened to. She never forgot God. Not once did she give credit to anyone or anything else without first giving credit to God. God showed up for her. He showed up for her in many ways. It probably wasn't always the way she wanted or hoped or imagined he would... but he always did.

As I've been thinking about her this past week, I've been thinking a lot about the details in my life that God has been apart of. Where have I seen him? What has he shown up in or as? What details am I not paying attention to because I'm giving too much attention to details he's not in?

I am beyond grateful for Kim and her constant inspiration in my life. I remember right after she spoke I walked up to give her a hug and say thank you. I, of course, cried as I told her how happy I was that someone elses cancer story turned out differently than my dad's. I told her that it makes my heart so happy to see her still fighting and living and breathing. She gave me a big smile and said thank you. I do remember that as I was telling her this she was focused completely on me. She wasn't looking elsewhere or quickly waving hi to someone in passing. She gave me her attention... someone she didn't know a single thing about. She was probably in so much pain, and maybe very very tired but she didn't let it show.

That detail is how God showed up for me that day. He showed up for me as Kim. He showed up to tell me to look at the details. He gave me an inspiring reminder that he is aware of me and that he loves me. That no matter how many punches my life takes or how often I'm pushed to the ground... he is there with me. Every single time. I just need to look for him and thank him for showing up. Period.

I miss Kim's posts and seeing her fight so hard every single day. I will miss her dance parties and encouragement to just breathe and love life. I pray for her family every day as they mourn her and live through this difficult time. May we do our best to honor Kim and look for God in the details because he's there.

Thy Walls Are Continually Before Me

In my scripture study recently, I have come across two different things that kind of give me the same meaning.

In my Sunday scripture study with my husband, we were studying in the Bible (New Testament) John chapters 7 through 10. In John chapter 10, you learn about Jesus the Good Shepherd and his care for us as his "sheep." I want to point out in verse 4, we learn of Jesus:

"And when he putteth forth his own sheep, he goeth before them, and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice," - John 10: 4

Now let's turn to the Book of Mormon. In the first book of Nephi, chapter 21 verse 16, it reads:

 "Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me." - 1 Nephi 21:16

One thing I really love about personal scripture study is that you can take the verses for what they are and apply them to your life for what they mean to you when you read them. I always read with a fresh, new book of scripture so that I can learn something new instead of always referring back to notes I've taken before on the verses.

One thing I remember discussing in a therapy session was how I view my mental health and my life. I told my therapist that, to me, my depression and my anxiety and self-esteem is this huge brick wall built in front of me. There's no way around it or over it or under it. But in this brick wall is a window. It's a square window that is sealed with no way to open it. I can see through it. I see the life I'm meant to live, the things I desire most and I see happiness through this window.

I've always felt like I have no idea how to get on the other side of this wall. I've tried for years through medication, therapy, inpatient mental health care, exercise, blogging, journaling, working, reading, pampering myself..... and I've never gotten through this brick wall OR the window. But it's all there and it taunts me. It's lonely and makes me feel very weak.

As I've read these two scripture verses above, I've realized that Christ is on MY SIDE of the brick wall. He is looking through the window with me. Just as he says in 1 Nephi 21:16, my wall is before him. He stands at the brick wall WITH me. As we are told in John 10:4, he goes before me. He leads me along the path I'm meant to be on. He went first so that he could understand my journey of going next. Does that make sense?

I don't know if you could call this a light bulb moment or somehow I'm finally realizing this but for the longest time I have felt SO ALONE on my side of the brick wall that I never ever imagined Christ would also be on my side of the brick wall. I don't know when he and I will figure out a way to get on the other side but for now, I'm not alone in looking through the window. I'm not alone in trying every single day to get on the other side of this wall.

It gives me the strength to know that I have his help and his loving guidance in my life. I'm not alone and reading the scriptures help me see that. I'm so grateful that I chose to read the scriptures so that I could learn this and carry it with me each day.

Lead Kindly Light

“Lead Kindly Light” by Simon Dewey

I've wanted to share the story behind this photo since I received it as a wedding gift, from my grandparents, almost 6 years ago. I'm not talking about the author's story behind the picture, but my plead with God behind the picture.

When Brady and I had been living in our apartment for a few months, I just knew we needed a photo of Christ hung somewhere. I even remember telling Brady that we definitely needed Christ in our home. I had planned to head on over to Deseret Book when we got paid next, but a package from my grandparents showed up to our apartment about 4 days later. My sweet grandma said that this was a late wedding gift, and she attached the receipt so I could take it back if I didn't like it.

I almost started to cry. This was an answer to my prayers. I knew God knew exactly what my heart needed for this apartment to finally feel like home, and he answered that prayer through my grandma. I cannot believe how quickly this happened. This picture now has special meaning to me because of how quickly my prayer was answered. Every time I see it, I'll always remember how God helped me to have a bit more of Christ in our home.

Christ is always a guest at home. I love the gospel and I'm proud to be an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Thanks, grandma, you'll never know how much this simple wedding gift impacted me.

He Lives!

Sometimes I just don't feel the spirit…. Sometimes I wonder if God is really helping me. I don't feel purpose or direction. I have tasted happiness years go and I don't know how to get it back. Yes, I know reading scriptures will help but every time I try to read, I stop. I don't know why either. I am really struggling. It is so hard. I'm not who I used to be. Every single day I become someone new. I feel so distant from everything. I have my husband and family, great friends and acquaintances. But with the darkness I'm in, sometimes that isn't allowed to be enough. I keep searching for something but I don't know what… Maybe I just need some alone time in the Temple…It's hard when you don't feel okay.

But when I read the ensign, or sing a hymn at church, I feel God's love for me and I feel like I can go on. But then tomorrow comes and it's a completely different story. Except for today. A couple of weeks ago, I was feeling crummier than ever. I was upset and mad that I'm still dealing with this mental illness even 10 years later. But after going to the temple, I couldn't help but feel Gods love for me. I'm also reminded of a wonderful hymn that brings me to tears each time I sing it.

"He lives, to plead for me above. He lives my hungry soul to feed, He lives to bless in time of need." - He lives. He lives to tell Heavenly Father that I'm having a hard time. He lives to feed my hungry spiritual soul with happiness while pleading with the Lord during my time of need. He lives to beg for peace and contentment. He lives for me.

"He lives to comfort me when faint, He lives to hear my soul's complaint. He lives to silence all my fears, He lives to wipe away my tears. He lives to calm my troubled heart." - He lives to comfort me. He lives to comfort me through the night and into the day. He lives to bring that peace to my soul. He lives to hear me nag and complain about my horrible no good life. He lives to hear it again and again and again…. but He lives to silence my fears and replace it with faith. He lives to teach me that faith cannot reside where fear does. He lives to teach me of God's love. He lives to wipe away the tears that have ever fallen in the morning before work. He lives to fill the cracks in my heart with love and eternal joy. He lives to calm my troubled, very troubled heart. He lives to answer my questions and bring peace to my soul.

He lives for me and He always will. I know that there is a God. I know that His Son Jesus Christ lives for me. He fights for me day in and day out. He pleads with me to trust in God. He pleads with me to allow Him to ease my troubled soul. "He lives and loves me to the end."

"He lives all glory to His name. He lives my Savior still the same. Oh sweet, the joy this sentence gives. I know that My Redeemer lives."

He lives, and because he does, so can I…

Does God Really Count My Tears?

After a previous post about feeling empty with the internet, and not with Christ, the question in the title of this post came to mind. It's amazing what a bad day can do for you. It tends to make you ponder life's questions and seek out the answers from Christ.

I like to think that I pray throughout the day. Usually, those prayers are silent, in my head, prayers. But they're there, nonetheless. I often hear quotes like, "Men, be careful not to make women weep, for God counts their tears." Or in some different form, but it's usually about God counting our tears as women. So that's where the question came from.

Does God really count my tears?

And I believe the answer is yes. I've always wondered why, or what is He going to do with counting them. What does it mean? That sort of thing. I'm not sure I'll ever know the answer but I like to think of it this way.

As God counts our tears, it is a reminder for us, that He is paying attention. It is a reminder that He is listening, that He is aware of us, in our moment of despair. God is ever mindful of our needs and loves us. He wants to help us in our lives. He wants to hug us and send angels to surround us with feelings of peace and comfort.

“I Will Give You Rest” by Yongsung Kim

I believe God wants us to know He counts our tears for that reason. So that we know He is there, listening, watching, and thinking of us. Seems like a weird way of showing us, His children, that He knows we exist, and that He is paying attention to us. It's very comforting to know this.

I believe God counts the tears of men as well. We are always going to be His children. Daughters; Sons. He loves us. I cannot emphasize that enough. It is a tough road that I've been on, but clinging to the knowledge that God loves me, and is aware of me, has truly carried me. We are so blessed to have such a loving Heavenly Father.

So, I encourage you to remember next time, that as tears fall from your eyes (good or bad), or you hear that quote… remember that God is thinking of you. He is paying attention to you. You are His child. And nothing will ever change that.

Begin to Believe

I have been doing a lot for myself lately and I really want to grow spiritually. Many of you know I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We believe the Book of Mormon to be another testament of Jesus Christ and so we study and read and apply it to our daily lives.

I've been trying to find ways to make work a bit more spiritual so that I'm not so anxious about being there. I just picked up where I left off which was 2 Nephi 30 and I came across verse 7, which reads:

"And it shall come to pass that the Jews which are scattered also shall begin to believe in Christ; and they shall begin to gather in upon the face of the land; and as many as shall believe in Christ shall also become a delightsome people." - 2 Nephi 30:7

 This verse stuck out to me because of the part that says begin to believe in Christ. I really do need to work harder to believe in Christ and in His teachings. so today, I'm going to begin to believe in Christ again. And it will be glorious. Can't wait to share more of my readings from this wonderful book.

 I loved working for the Church when I did. It allowed me to freely read the Book of Mormon and not be judged. I love that I can blog about things that I love and that are close to my heart.

I want you to know that I know that God lives and loves us. We are his children and he is aware of our needs. I know that if we begin to believe now our lives will change for the better and we will be much happier. I'm grateful for this gospel! I believe in Christ.

“Come to Me” by Yongsung Kim

Christ is Not Empty

"Risen Hope,” by Joseph Brickey

I have deeply loved this painting since I first saw in inside the waiting room at the Salt Lake Temple. The colors just literally grab my heart and soul and make me want to drop to my knees. It's beautiful, and perfectly portrays the morning of the resurrection. I love the simple sunlight peaking through, and how rich the colors are, including the robe worn by Christ. I wish I could find a hard copy somewhere!

I was having a hard time one day, and the day before that and the day before that. My dad was sick, classes were starting, no more holiday breaks from work and working out again just really got to me. I tend to bottle things up inside and then some small tiny hurtful thing can just release all of this emotion. It's really hard for me to live like that but I'm working on being better about bottling things inside.

During work the following week, I decided to start listening to talks while I was working. Between Elder Bednar's talk, Elder Ballard's talk and President Uchtdorf's talk in October 2015, they (in some way) were speaking about turning to Christ, as they mentioned social media.

If you know me well at all, I love social media. I love networking, online socials and the benefits they are to us. I believe in sharing the gospel through the internet, and social media makes it very easy. As I was listening I noticed a trend of them speaking of turning to the Internet more, than Christ. We turn there because it is the worldly thing to do. It is easy, quick and natural. As we do that, we are left feeling empty. The internet and social media are empty; they serve no purpose in providing answers to life's questions. But that we need to turn to Christ first because He is not empty.

It really got me thinking about that. Christ is not empty, and He will never leave me feeling empty. As we turn to Him, He will fill our hearts and soul with peace and comfort. And that feeling may be the very answer we are seeking. Even if we do not read the answer in scripture, hear it in a prayer or a talk. Christ Himself is the answer.

I thought it was a beautiful thing, and I'm so glad I was blessed with the Spirit to share this with me. Having a bad day can often make things very difficult. It's very frustrating and hard to always turn to the scriptures, prayer or spirit-inviting music, and it's not always what I want to do. But I am never left feeling empty when I do those things. I am never left wondering why and where my purpose is. I am never left alone.

Christ is my Savior, my King. He is my Redeemer and my Friend. Without Him, I'm not sure how I would live my life. I have a strong testimony of Christ and His love. I have a testimony that He lives, and He loves me and He loves YOU. He is here for us if we turn to Him. He is waiting for us. Do not hesitate today, to turn to Him first. I promise you will be filled again, never to be empty.

How Could Christ Help Me Cope With Depression?

If there is any question I hear often from those who struggle with depression and/or anxiety, it is this:

How could Christ help me cope with depression?

I really do hear it a lot, and it is nothing to be ashamed of if you have ever asked yourself that question. I know I have asked it before! How can someone who is not physically here, help me work through those bad days? How can He help me get out of bed when today just doesn't seem possible in any aspect?

He can, and that's what I'm going to share with you right now.

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. - Phillippians 4:13

After I found out that I lost a dear friend to suicide, I felt so lost. I spent many days sleeping in, and/or not sleeping at all. I would lay there, in silence. Screaming inside my head for relief—for this nightmare to end. I had just decided that the Church was something I wanted in my life not many months prior. Why would God give this to me? Someone who repented, made a righteous choice to come back to the Church? I didn't understand.

I often found myself angry. That I couldn't physically speak to Christ, let alone my Heavenly Father. I was angry that my prayers weren't being answered when and how I wanted them to be answered. I searched for days on end, scripture after scripture, prayer after prayer, letter after letter to the leaders of The Church on this topic. I needed healing.

Image c/o The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

It's been 9 years now, since those trying days, and though I still struggle today, it has become a lot easier to deal with. Not completely, but much more than I ever thought it could be. If you think about it, during those moments of pain, heartache, crying, begging, screaming… how many times have you thought of Christ or God? How many of those sleepless nights have pushed you to pray? Read your scriptures or listen to hymns?

That my friends is how Christ helps you cope. The very thought of Him—the very thought of needing Him and wondering where He is, is the first step to laying your burdens at His feet. It is the first step to sleeping one more hour. It is the first step to making it through the next 24 hours, 4 weeks, 12 months, 4 years…. The very thought of Christ comforting us does, in fact, bring comfort. Knowing that we can pray whenever and wherever, and thinking of Him brings relief.

I didn't realize it until now, but that's pretty huge. I have often, and very often, cried out to the Lord where Christ is, and why am I'm not finding peace!? But it is in those small moments, when the Holy Ghost ever so sweetly and gently, puts thought into my mind to pray. To think of and ask for the comfort of Christ. We are so loved and surrounded by so many angels in heaven and on earth. Heavenly Father never wants us to be alone; ever ever ever.

I encourage you to remember this and to remember the next time you are struggling, that Christ is already with you in that first thought of seeking Him.

The Act of Forgiving

Salt Lake Temple 2016 © Ashley Ziegler

Did you watch the First Presidency Christmas Devotional this past Sunday? It was wonderful! I really loved it and all of the simple, yet powerful messages shared! I thought that each message was my favorite and then I heard the next and it became a favorite. I ended up loving them all!

When President Nelson got up to speak, I wasn't expecting him to give an answer to a prayer that I had two months ago, during General Conference. I received my answer then but I think the Lord wanted to send the answer again. I was really surprised and wasn't expecting to hear his message but it was just what my heart needed.

I struggle with forgiveness. Mostly because my physical body can't figure out how to forgive in a way that my mind is asking it too. Does that make sense? For some reason, I feel like forgiveness is a physical thing and so I struggle with doing anything about forgiveness.

Forgiveness can be a really uneasy subject for most, and can actually turn conversations south. I really want to forgive in my life. I am really tired of carrying around hurt and angry feelings. It's only affecting me right? Not the other person? So why then, is it so stinkin' hard to do? How do you go on in life as if nothing ever happened?

One phrase from President Nelson's talk that spoke to me was this,

"Through His infinite Atonement, you can forgive those who have hurt you and who may never accept responsibility for their cruelty to you."

 That is where my issue with forgiveness lies. Accepting the apology you're never going to get. It's like a thorn stuck in your side that's been there for a very long time and you think it's time to pull it out but you just can't bring yourself to do it because it is going to be so painful. But you know it will make everything so much better once you finally do.

So how do I do this? How do I forgive and let go? How do I let my Savior's healing power, pull out this thorn stuck in my side? How do I go on with my life "as if nothing ever happened"? These are the questions I'm sincerely seeking answers for and I hope and pray that I can feel of God's love for me and that as hard as the act of forgiving is, I can actually do it with his help. I pray that His love will heal me from the hurt and anger that I feel.

---

Is there someone in your life that is needing your forgiveness or someone that you are seeking forgiveness from? What is the act of forgiving like in your life and how are you able to apply our Savior's Atonement in your life?

If You Don't, Someone Else Will

Okay, this is like the one-millionth blog post I've tried to sit down and write on this subject. I've done a little bit here and there. Mostly I just blog about my feelings and I'm very vague about what it is I'm actually trying to decide.

When I was about 15, I received my Patriarchal Blessing. I obviously had no idea what any of it meant for me and my life or how any of it would play out but I've always tried my best to stay in tune with it (keywords: tried my best). Without going into any details, I've noticed how something is worded in my blessing and the way it has affected me since.

I have always felt "called." And what I mean by that is, based off of my Patriarchal Blessing, many prayers and studying, I have always felt like God wanted some part of me to share the gospel. And more than just a mission. More than just posting photos on Instagram when I drive by a temple. I have always felt impressed to blog about the gospel, my love for it and anything in between. I have tried and tried over the years to pick a "niche" and nothing ever felt right. Nothing ever stuck with me long enough to really feel passionate about it.

Each time I thought about really starting a blog, making it gospel-centered was the only "niche" that came to mind. I am so passionate about sharing the goodness of the gospel. But let me say this first, I am not a perfect "Mormon" scholar. I cannot quote many scriptures, or tell you many of the stories and/or lessons from the scriptures. I'm not really sure why I wasn't blessed in that department LOL I feel like everyone around me is. ;) I am not a perfect Mormon. I am not a perfect disciple/follower of Jesus Christ. I do not intend to share anything with that in mind.

I share the gospel of Jesus Christ, my membership, my Church... simply because I love it. I love my faith. I love The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I love the gospel and the scriptures. I love General Conference. I love our Prophet and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. I love my church leaders, my ward and so much more! I simply love it all with a love that words cannot do justice.

So why am I sharing this with you today?

I recently attended an LDS women's retreat called SALT. It was amazing. I'll obviously be sharing all about it in another post for a different day. I didn't go in with any expectations or questions. I didn't have plans to go to specific classes or listen to specific people talk. I didn't go with any friends or family members. I went alone :O! Simply because I just wanted to go, and experience and meet new people and be inspired! That's the honest truth. And that's exactly what I got.

I love social media. I really do. I love networking and following others and their lives. But I really love connecting with positive, uplifting accounts, especially those that are faith based. One in particular was going to this same event as me. We told each other that we were going to look for each other to say hi. They were with some family members and during a break we got to talking and get to know each other. It was as if we'd been friends for a really long time. Their family members made me feel so special and it was so wonderful to meet them and get to know all of them.

I kind of opened my heart up in a roundtable discussion we were having and they all happened to be at this table at the same time. I confessed to this group that I really really have a love for blogging and blogging about Jesus Christ and my love for the gospel. But the reason I don't have a blog started is because there are already so many out there. There are already so many blogs and Instagram accounts sharing inspiring and uplifting things based off of the gospel... so why should I add to it? Why did I feel like we needed one more blog to add to the millions out there? I just felt like there wasn't a point to it.

After sharing these feelings that I wasn't really expecting to share, this friend and their family members came up to me and told me that I should do it. I should start a blog and who cares what others think. Who cares how many blogs are already out there and what they're sharing. They told me, "if you don't do it, someone else will. God will ask someone else to do it." I kind of smiled and nodded like yeah, I know what you're saying. As if I had heard it a thousand times. But for some odd reason, hearing it from them made me pause and ponder.

So here I am, at home, pondering these words from people I just met who know nothing about me. Yet I feel like a huge prayer has been answered. I feel like God finally said, "Ashley, you've been letting this float around in your head long enough. Here is your answer through these servants of mine. Now go and do." Like clear as day. The impression and the Spirit and my heart just know without a doubt that if I don't do it, someone else will.

To add quickly, the night before the SALT event, I had attended one of their workshops. It's a create workshop where you pay extra to attend this said-class for so many hours and learn about one thing and it's a limited space group so it's more intimate. As we were discussing why we all decided to take this class, someone shared how they would love to speak at events similar to this one and they were there to kind of see how others are able to do it but so nervous because who would listen to their story? Then the teacher said something that hit me hard. She said, "Pioneer it. No one will show up the way you will." And I am pretty sure everyone's mouth dropped open.

And that's where I tie it in with this post. I'm doing it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to start a blog and share my love for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I would love, one day, to have a domain (a dot com) and all that fun jazz but I'm not really sure what to call it, or what it will even become. All I know is that I'm doing it. I have had a prayer answered that I didn't even know I had prayed. I feel more confident now in this "feeling called" I've had since I was 15.

It just feels so good to finally get this off of my chest. To quit messing around and just finally do it.

Because if I don't, someone else will.

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"And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."
- 1 Nephi 3:7