Lead Kindly Light

“Lead Kindly Light” by Simon Dewey

I've wanted to share the story behind this photo since I received it as a wedding gift, from my grandparents, almost 6 years ago. I'm not talking about the author's story behind the picture, but my plead with God behind the picture.

When Brady and I had been living in our apartment for a few months, I just knew we needed a photo of Christ hung somewhere. I even remember telling Brady that we definitely needed Christ in our home. I had planned to head on over to Deseret Book when we got paid next, but a package from my grandparents showed up to our apartment about 4 days later. My sweet grandma said that this was a late wedding gift, and she attached the receipt so I could take it back if I didn't like it.

I almost started to cry. This was an answer to my prayers. I knew God knew exactly what my heart needed for this apartment to finally feel like home, and he answered that prayer through my grandma. I cannot believe how quickly this happened. This picture now has special meaning to me because of how quickly my prayer was answered. Every time I see it, I'll always remember how God helped me to have a bit more of Christ in our home.

Christ is always a guest at home. I love the gospel and I'm proud to be an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Thanks, grandma, you'll never know how much this simple wedding gift impacted me.

He Lives!

Sometimes I just don't feel the spirit…. Sometimes I wonder if God is really helping me. I don't feel purpose or direction. I have tasted happiness years go and I don't know how to get it back. Yes, I know reading scriptures will help but every time I try to read, I stop. I don't know why either. I am really struggling. It is so hard. I'm not who I used to be. Every single day I become someone new. I feel so distant from everything. I have my husband and family, great friends and acquaintances. But with the darkness I'm in, sometimes that isn't allowed to be enough. I keep searching for something but I don't know what… Maybe I just need some alone time in the Temple…It's hard when you don't feel okay.

But when I read the ensign, or sing a hymn at church, I feel God's love for me and I feel like I can go on. But then tomorrow comes and it's a completely different story. Except for today. A couple of weeks ago, I was feeling crummier than ever. I was upset and mad that I'm still dealing with this mental illness even 10 years later. But after going to the temple, I couldn't help but feel Gods love for me. I'm also reminded of a wonderful hymn that brings me to tears each time I sing it.

"He lives, to plead for me above. He lives my hungry soul to feed, He lives to bless in time of need." - He lives. He lives to tell Heavenly Father that I'm having a hard time. He lives to feed my hungry spiritual soul with happiness while pleading with the Lord during my time of need. He lives to beg for peace and contentment. He lives for me.

"He lives to comfort me when faint, He lives to hear my soul's complaint. He lives to silence all my fears, He lives to wipe away my tears. He lives to calm my troubled heart." - He lives to comfort me. He lives to comfort me through the night and into the day. He lives to bring that peace to my soul. He lives to hear me nag and complain about my horrible no good life. He lives to hear it again and again and again…. but He lives to silence my fears and replace it with faith. He lives to teach me that faith cannot reside where fear does. He lives to teach me of God's love. He lives to wipe away the tears that have ever fallen in the morning before work. He lives to fill the cracks in my heart with love and eternal joy. He lives to calm my troubled, very troubled heart. He lives to answer my questions and bring peace to my soul.

He lives for me and He always will. I know that there is a God. I know that His Son Jesus Christ lives for me. He fights for me day in and day out. He pleads with me to trust in God. He pleads with me to allow Him to ease my troubled soul. "He lives and loves me to the end."

"He lives all glory to His name. He lives my Savior still the same. Oh sweet, the joy this sentence gives. I know that My Redeemer lives."

He lives, and because he does, so can I…

Does God Really Count My Tears?

After a previous post about feeling empty with the internet, and not with Christ, the question in the title of this post came to mind. It's amazing what a bad day can do for you. It tends to make you ponder life's questions and seek out the answers from Christ.

I like to think that I pray throughout the day. Usually, those prayers are silent, in my head, prayers. But they're there, nonetheless. I often hear quotes like, "Men, be careful not to make women weep, for God counts their tears." Or in some different form, but it's usually about God counting our tears as women. So that's where the question came from.

Does God really count my tears?

And I believe the answer is yes. I've always wondered why, or what is He going to do with counting them. What does it mean? That sort of thing. I'm not sure I'll ever know the answer but I like to think of it this way.

As God counts our tears, it is a reminder for us, that He is paying attention. It is a reminder that He is listening, that He is aware of us, in our moment of despair. God is ever mindful of our needs and loves us. He wants to help us in our lives. He wants to hug us and send angels to surround us with feelings of peace and comfort.

“I Will Give You Rest” by Yongsung Kim

I believe God wants us to know He counts our tears for that reason. So that we know He is there, listening, watching, and thinking of us. Seems like a weird way of showing us, His children, that He knows we exist, and that He is paying attention to us. It's very comforting to know this.

I believe God counts the tears of men as well. We are always going to be His children. Daughters; Sons. He loves us. I cannot emphasize that enough. It is a tough road that I've been on, but clinging to the knowledge that God loves me, and is aware of me, has truly carried me. We are so blessed to have such a loving Heavenly Father.

So, I encourage you to remember next time, that as tears fall from your eyes (good or bad), or you hear that quote… remember that God is thinking of you. He is paying attention to you. You are His child. And nothing will ever change that.

Begin to Believe

I have been doing a lot for myself lately and I really want to grow spiritually. Many of you know I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We believe the Book of Mormon to be another testament of Jesus Christ and so we study and read and apply it to our daily lives.

I've been trying to find ways to make work a bit more spiritual so that I'm not so anxious about being there. I just picked up where I left off which was 2 Nephi 30 and I came across verse 7, which reads:

"And it shall come to pass that the Jews which are scattered also shall begin to believe in Christ; and they shall begin to gather in upon the face of the land; and as many as shall believe in Christ shall also become a delightsome people." - 2 Nephi 30:7

 This verse stuck out to me because of the part that says begin to believe in Christ. I really do need to work harder to believe in Christ and in His teachings. so today, I'm going to begin to believe in Christ again. And it will be glorious. Can't wait to share more of my readings from this wonderful book.

 I loved working for the Church when I did. It allowed me to freely read the Book of Mormon and not be judged. I love that I can blog about things that I love and that are close to my heart.

I want you to know that I know that God lives and loves us. We are his children and he is aware of our needs. I know that if we begin to believe now our lives will change for the better and we will be much happier. I'm grateful for this gospel! I believe in Christ.

“Come to Me” by Yongsung Kim