He Lives!

Sometimes I just don't feel the spirit…. Sometimes I wonder if God is really helping me. I don't feel purpose or direction. I have tasted happiness years go and I don't know how to get it back. Yes, I know reading scriptures will help but every time I try to read, I stop. I don't know why either. I am really struggling. It is so hard. I'm not who I used to be. Every single day I become someone new. I feel so distant from everything. I have my husband and family, great friends and acquaintances. But with the darkness I'm in, sometimes that isn't allowed to be enough. I keep searching for something but I don't know what… Maybe I just need some alone time in the Temple…It's hard when you don't feel okay.

But when I read the ensign, or sing a hymn at church, I feel God's love for me and I feel like I can go on. But then tomorrow comes and it's a completely different story. Except for today. A couple of weeks ago, I was feeling crummier than ever. I was upset and mad that I'm still dealing with this mental illness even 10 years later. But after going to the temple, I couldn't help but feel Gods love for me. I'm also reminded of a wonderful hymn that brings me to tears each time I sing it.

"He lives, to plead for me above. He lives my hungry soul to feed, He lives to bless in time of need." - He lives. He lives to tell Heavenly Father that I'm having a hard time. He lives to feed my hungry spiritual soul with happiness while pleading with the Lord during my time of need. He lives to beg for peace and contentment. He lives for me.

"He lives to comfort me when faint, He lives to hear my soul's complaint. He lives to silence all my fears, He lives to wipe away my tears. He lives to calm my troubled heart." - He lives to comfort me. He lives to comfort me through the night and into the day. He lives to bring that peace to my soul. He lives to hear me nag and complain about my horrible no good life. He lives to hear it again and again and again…. but He lives to silence my fears and replace it with faith. He lives to teach me that faith cannot reside where fear does. He lives to teach me of God's love. He lives to wipe away the tears that have ever fallen in the morning before work. He lives to fill the cracks in my heart with love and eternal joy. He lives to calm my troubled, very troubled heart. He lives to answer my questions and bring peace to my soul.

He lives for me and He always will. I know that there is a God. I know that His Son Jesus Christ lives for me. He fights for me day in and day out. He pleads with me to trust in God. He pleads with me to allow Him to ease my troubled soul. "He lives and loves me to the end."

"He lives all glory to His name. He lives my Savior still the same. Oh sweet, the joy this sentence gives. I know that My Redeemer lives."

He lives, and because he does, so can I…